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Have a baby they said….. It will be fun they said…..
BOLLOCKS! Course, they lied! Don’t get me wrong, there is potential for fun – once a day at 11.53pm, when they are in a deep enough sleep that you are certain you can walk away from them, they there’s only 3 minutes until they need feeding again. 3 Minutes of peace, and let’s not exaggerate, they may be so tired that they give you an extra half hour. So approximately 37 minutes… aha! What to do with yourself.
You’re a mum, it’s only natural that there’s only one thing that crosses your mind – ALCOHOL! Start with cider, nah, it’s heavy you’ll only be able to fit in one pint. Try Vodka, meh, it works but it tastes foul, and you will definitely end up being sick (you have enough of that to deal with). Wine, now were talking! You can drink a bottle in 37 minutes but that doesn’t leave much time to appreciate the effects. However….
GIN! Jackpot- you can pour in some tonic and pretty much down a bottle in minutes as you’re drinking 75% water, if you’re sensible, otherwise it’s 20% water and 80% gin. It’s a personal favourite of mine. It even comes in different colours and flavours nowadays to mix it up a bit. I personally don’t advise mixing the spirit in though, because you’re better leaving it and using a straw. That way it doesn’t mix properly, then when the inevitable happens, you can drink what you can as quickly as you can and be certain you haven’t wasted you’re time drinking any tonic water, and you have purely consumed GIN.
Yes, the inevitable, they’ve woken up…… SHIT! Better luck next time.
Or, you could be like me. Baby in one hand, bottle on the other. Not their bottle, but yours! Alcohol is my saviour. Yes I’m an addict, and yes I’m a mum. I also had a full time job, bills to pay, a relationship, friends, family, and a bloody dog to walk, until baby arrived. Now I just have them, some sort of relationship, people who call me (I never have time to answer), and the dog is somewhere. I always however have the bottle. It helped me through conception, in fact it was purely responsible for it. It helped me through pregnancy, yes I’m one if those people. It helped me through labour, and put gas and air to shame. And it’s the only reason I am surviving motherhood. IT’S GOOD STUFF!
Welcome to my blog where I will talk about the life that is, raising children under the constant influence of alcohol. Piece of cake, and much better than the alternative, trust me, I’m drunk, I know exactly what I’m talking about.